“How do you stay calm with 4 young kids!?” I get this question sometimes ALL the time! People never quite understand HOW I “do it” with 4 littles. Yes, they are all close in age..but it is possible! When someone asks me “how do you manage your day? how do you stay patient? how do you get everything done?” I tend to have a funny response like “All it takes is some patience and a prayer!” I have decided to really take the time to think it out and explain how I stay patient! Here are my 10 ways to stay patient and calm with your children, why it is important, and why you might be getting angry to begin with.
Why it is important to stay calm, and why you might be getting angry
What if I told you, there was a study done that shows that people who have angry outbursts more often, are at higher risk for a heart attack or stroke?
Or, what if I told you that sometimes, we aren’t really upset or angry with our children. Sometimes we are projecting our current situations, or feelings onto them. That is NOT fair to them. This can create negative identities because of things you are projecting onto them, ex. “I am not smart, because my mom told me I wasn’t acting smart”. Click HERE to read more about that topic.
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Think about how you would feel, if you were startled out of bed when you weren’t ready. You probably became more irritable. Imagine that right after you jump out of bed, your toddler grabs the carton of milk from the fridge to pour himself a cup and it spills all over the floor instead. How do you instantly react?
If your first instinct is to yell, stop. Are you going to yell because you are irritated? Or maybe because you were woken up before you were really ready and you didn’t get to have your normal routine? Possibly, you wanted to yell because you don’t love your job and Karen is super annoying…which wouldn’t even make sense right?!
Sometimes we react too quickly.
Daryl, (3) was holding a half gallon of milk and was pouring some into a sippy cup while I was working. I heard the splash and I knew what happened. He loves to be independent, so we have started buying half gallons of milk or pouring some into smaller containers for him to pour it himself. Sometimes he still has spills, and I have learned that if I yell, it will NOT fix the spilled milk. Instead, I asked him to grab a towel and wipe it up. Easy as that right?
He doesn’t get upset or worried that I will yell, because he has learned that it really isn’t that big of a deal..we all make mistakes. I had moments in the past where I did yell, and I would feel deep guilt. It didn’t feel worth it to me, to feel that type of mom guilt, so I made it a conscious point each day to be aware of how I spoke to my children. As the milk spilled the other day, I realized that not every mom or parent feels this way, or just needs some help with it.. so I decided to snap this picture and share a few ways I stay calm with my children.
10 Ways To Stay Calm (With Your Children)
- Take a deep breath. Count to 5, walk away from the situation, or repeat a mantra like “I do not need to be an angry parent, I will respond with a peaceful mind”.
- Is it worth it? Think about what just happened, is it something worth arguing, yelling or being angry over? You’ve probably heard the saying “pick your battles” and this is the same thing.. Don’t waste your energy being angry over something silly (like the milk spill above)
- Is this a trigger situation for you? Sometimes you might react too quickly if you are tired, or hungry for example. These would be trigger situations. For me, I know that when I start to get hangry, I am quicker to want to yell and react.. so let’s try and prevent these things before they happen, or avoid them. Another example.. it triggers me to become angry when my children ask for a snack about .0002 seconds after completing a meal. We have snack rules now to try and prevent this!
- Reactive vs. Proactive. If you can anticipate a possible issue happening, most likely you can prepare yourself for it, and become proactive. In the moment of a heated situation, you can choose to either be reactive, or proactive. Click HERE to read more about this to better understand the two.
- Be forgiving. First, be forgiving to your children, and remember their ages. Sometimes I am quick to say “you are SEVEN! you are the OLDEST! what are you thinking!?”…but then I say to myself.. “He is ONLY seven. He may know right from wrong, but that doesn’t mean he will always do what is expected. He still needs to learn”. Second, be forgiving of yourself. Give yourself grace. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
- Self care. Everyone has different views on self care and what it means, but I believe that even being a tiny bit selfish for a few seconds is a form of self care. You might wake up 15 minutes earlier than the kids to enjoy your coffee and journal. Taking a nice hot bath after bed time and relax your mind and body. There are so many things you can do for self care that don’t require money or a lot of time to help you renew your mind. Click HERE to better understand self care.
- Use positive words. Thinking and saying positive words to yourself, and to your children can help keep things peaceful. Nobody likes to hear negative words, so we also shouldn’t say negative things to ourselves. Tell your children you love them, tell them how smart they are, explain how much you believe in them. Words are so powerful! The same thing goes for yourself, tell yourself that you are doing a great job, and how amazing you are as a parent!
- Have realistic expectations. Going back to #5, we have to remember that our children are only humans, just like us. We have bad days, get a bad attitude, or just don’t feel motivated always.. so why should they? Why should we punish them or yell at them for not always wanting to participate? Why should we explode because they rolled their eyes? There is a nice way to handle disrespect, but yelling doesn’t usually solve this issue.
- Live in the moment. Remember what a blessing your children are. They might seem like they are going crazy, all screaming or losing their minds for no reason. Try joining in on the silliness, instead of yelling. If you are scrolling facebook and you just want 5 minutes of peace but everyone is fighting, how about you turn on some music and have a silly dance party and shake it out. Feel the gratitude in your heart, for the joy they bring you.
- Hug it out. When in doubt, hug it out! Physical touch can help relieve stress! A hug can help you, and your child to cope with any difficult situations. Click HERE to read more about the benefits of a hug.
This post is about how to stay calm and less angry with your children, but it will help you with all areas of your life. You can apply these same tactics towards your marriage, and any other relationship. Remember how amazing you are, and you can conquer anything!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
